What Is It, To Spend 'Real' Time Together?

Currently it seems we are forever on the go.  We have all the appliances and gadgets to save us time, keep us organized, and ‘make life easier’.   There are computers, pagers, IPods, Iphone, laptops, desktops, tablets, and kindles, all of which, in and of themselves take up more time.  I am mindful of the time I called my daughter to tell her that I had not seen her in awhile and that I wanted her to come over so we could catch up.  She was still in high school at the time and she lived with her mother.  As a student, she had homework, a boyfriend, many friends, dances to go to and all those other activities teenagers have.   Honestly, I was missing her and wanted an evening with just the two of us.  She agreed and we planned to get together on a weeknight.  I thought we would have a meal together, watch a movie form Netflix, and spend a little time enjoying one another’s  ompany.

The evening came and she came right after school.  She did not have any homework to do other  an a short English paper.  She came in the house sat on the couch and fell asleep.  She hadn’t slept well the night before because she was up late doing other homework.  I made one of her favorite dishes and when dinner was ready, I went in to wake her.  A half hour after I finished my dinner she awoke and apologized for falling asleep.  She ate and went into the computer to do her paper while I did the dishes.  All the time she was working, I heard the cell phone beeping and clicking and beeping. Between the texting and the Instant messenger on the computer, it took her much longer than usual to complete her English homework.  Unlike her father, she is very good in English, typing, writing and reading. 

Finally, we met in the living room to watch the news and planned to watch the movie in an hour or so.   While we listened to the news, we started talking and no less than 5 times during our conversation, she picked up her cell phone to respond to text messages.  I paused and kindly asked her to turn the phone off.  She was not very happy, protested, and asked why.  I said to her, “Megh, I asked you to come so we could spend some time together and thought maybe we could catch up with one another.” Immediately she interjected, “I’m here dad. I came to see you. I'm here aren’t I? ” and her phone chimed in again.  We both rather chuckled.  It was funny.  As I looked at her and as she was intently texting a message I interjected and said, “MEGH, you are here and I know it’s difficult with school and all the activities and homework you have to do, but at this moment, YES, you are here, but you are NOT PRESENT”.  She stopped and looked at me and cracked a little smile.  She put the cell down and after a short conversation; we began to watch our movie and ate our dessert.  She had already seen the movie and an hour or so into the move her boyfriend called and was on his way over.  He is a wonderful young man and I really like him.  After he arrived she got up, gathered her homework and they were off and running after we exchanged “I love yous” and the evening ended.  Even though I was disappointed that she left earlier than I had hoped, I was glad to see her.  That evening didn’t go as we planned but we did end up spending the next Saturday together and had a wonderful day.  Yes, she had her cell phone, but it did not seem to go off as much.  I think she told her friends she was busy. 

I share this story about my day, as it quite possibly could be a day in any home, any day of the week, at any hour of the day.  With all the computers and toys, and the constant bombardment of text messages, emails, pagers, Instant messages, 24 hour TV, and even the ole radio, it seems there is never a moment of peace. Our minds are so busy and always jumping from one thing to next. We have become so accustomed to the buzz and the background noise that if we do not hear it we think  something is wrong or missing.   There are some of us who even have several things going all at  once… one has the computer on, surfing and Facebook, IMs, Text and TV. A parent or sibling  may be in a chair across the room with his or her laptop, Instant messaging,  and even texting while they to, try to catch the sitcom on TV.  Maybe there are two, three, or four people in the same room each evening at your house?  They are all in their own little ‘bubbles’ where the only link between them is the TV that they try to watch in-between IMs and texts.  We are all becoming slaves to our toys and gadgets.  Four people sitting together in the same room and not one person is 'present' to the other. It is not an uncommon sight. 

The next time you are in a room and this is what is happening I challenge you to, STOP!  Turn off your cell, stop watching the TV, sign off of Facebook, shut down your laptop, set it aside and sit quietly and stare, looking at each one in the room with a smile and see how long it takes before someone  notices your stare.  Sit there and be quiet.  I know it will be hard to sit so long and do nothing, but just try and if it goes on for more than 15 min. then and only then may you say something or move out of your place.  NOW,.... now you know just how God has felt every day, since the days of Adam and Eve.  He makes Himself present to us every moment of our lives.  He is always there waiting. Patiently waiting.  Wondering when we will make ourselves ‘present’ to him.

What are we doing!?  It is no wonder we have trouble getting along with one another, siblings with siblings, children with parents, Spouses with spouses, you and God.  If we are not spending the time with those we can see and touch and share the same room with, and yet NOT be present to them; how are we going to make ourselves present to the most important One that we cannot see? 

Folks, one day I went around the house and unplugged the TV, vcr, cell phone, the computer, the printer, the laptop, the radio, and every gadget in the house except for one.  I then went and sat in chair, in the middle of the house.  THE SILENCE WAS DEAFANING!  All the way from the living room, I could hear the water - two rooms away - dripping in the bathroom sink!  I was startled when I heard the refrigerator kick on, as it was the only thing I hadn't unplugged.  I don’t remember the last time I noticed it running so loud.  I sat there in amazement because it was soooooo quiet.  I didn’t hear the hum of any of the appliance, in quiet mode.  The whirl of the fan in my computer was still.  The sound of standing appliances… with that low soft 'noise of electricity' running, that ..."hummmm", was still.  I sat there in silence, took a few deep breaths and they were the longest 10 min.s I've  had in a long time.  By the time 15 min.s had passed, I had to keep myself from drifting off to sleep.  I tried to clear my mind, stay alert, and listen for God.  After 20 min. I had finaly heard him, I chated a bit with him and ended with a prayer. Then I went on with the rest of my day.  What did God say deep in my heart?   He said, “Bill, WE need to do this more often, I miss you. How about doing this together a couple times a week for 30 min. and we’ll take it from there.”  I said, “Ok Lord, I’ll try my best.”  Spending those 30 minutes of time in any  given week, has become something that I truly look forward too.

Well, I think by now you get my point.  WE just do not know how to make 'quiet', much less what to do with it!  It takes PRACTICE, like anything else.  So then, may I suggest that you try a novel idea?  Sit in the quite of the house, in some corner of a room, or better yet invite the entire family to join you and just sit quiet. Make yourself(s) present to God.  Say a little prayer, then sit quiet for a while, and savor the moment, as you savor his presence.  I assure you, He will savor it too!  After you finish with God, get up and play old maid, go fish, Uno, Phase 10, or something with the rest of the family and try to do that at least once a week.  Make yourselves present to one another without distraction.  I suggest a card game at a table or on the floor so that you are all facing one another.  That way you will have a setting that makes for good conversation.  Over time, and later in memory, it will become a favorite time together, especially if you do this while the kids are all still young. 

Until next time,

May God bless and keep you …. Each and everyone in your home.